Mental Illness Day 8

I'm actually writing this on day 9- but it's early yet.  I'm sure more is bound to happen.  I wanted to write about some stuff that happened yesterday (that I will now call 'today').

Just to put everything in perspective:

I was on my normal dose 10mg (1).

Stressful day - it was a blood drive that I hosted.  It was my first independent event.  By early morning, I knew that I had screwed some stuff up... and was trying desperately to fix them.  I didn't have much time starting at 8 for an event at 9.

I took my medication late.  Usually I take it when I'm driving to work after eating something.  By the time I get to work, most of the nausea from my multivitamin has worn off and the medicine starts to take effect.  Today, I took the medication upon arrival.

I had to hit the ground running, I didn't really have a choice.  In my frustration and running, I had some patients and visitors.  One was a police officer doing rounds;

"Look at you go!"  (the first time he saw me)

"Wow, you must be ADD or something... you're all over the place"  (the second)

The second one can be interpreted a few different ways.  It's dependent on tone.  The way I perceived it, was out of concern that I would run myself ragged too quickly.  It wasn't condescending to me- but  (somewhat) to those with ADD.  I was too hyper, I was moving too fast, I was trying to do too many things...

Sadly, I've heard that sentence before a few times.  Before I was diagnosed, I was all like "Yeah!  There's nothing wrong with me- I just got stuffs to do!  Let's go- get it done- don't have time... Run run run!!!"

Now, it kinda struck a nerve.  It wasn't a defensive, "How'd you know I was ADD?!" because I know he didn't know.  It was more like a, "Sorry, my medication hasn't kicked in yet... I'll calm down here in a minute".  I didn't get that chance because there was too much to do, but it was definitely an odd feeling- and not a good odd.

Next, was an odd conversation with my family.  Now, most of my family doesn't know.  Heck, I didn't even tell my BFF yet.  I actually told her brother- like the whole story... but I haven't told her.  I'm not entirely sure why, I will one day though.  As for people who know, pretty sure it's limited to my step-grandmother, aunt, and mother.  My mother may have told my sister, but we don't really talk- so she would never discuss that with me.

I loved the message in pink and I planned to share it- up until it's all like you HAVE to share this.  I don't share anything I don't want.  I felt like it's bullying to write that on any message.  The messages are usually so good- then they down trod you into "well, only my REAL TRUE friends will repost this- which is 1% of all you yuppies who call yourselves my 'friends' "  To me, it actually ruins the tone and actual premise of the message- why would YOU want to do that to YOUR friends?

Anyway, I never meant for this message to become about mental health at all.  This conversation is between me, my step-grandmother 'M', and my uncle, 'R'.  Now, I know my uncle doesn't read my blog and I know he doesn't know about my diagnosis or the fact I'm undergoing treatment (otherwise he would've known).

Can we say 'ouch'?  I know he didn't expect me to respond the way I did.  I definitely know he didn't expect me to be the very person he was talking about.  I can see the stigma lives and is present in my very own family.  I understand his view that maybe too many people are on the medications and that maybe people are quick to judge and diagnose, but man, I can only wish I was faster with mine.  Life would have been less depressing and more fruitful.