Day 3 - BD... Missouri has that affect on me....

Day 3: What you think your reason for being here is:

I'm going to keep this as real to the actual date (though being written days later) as possible- that is thoughts and feelings-wise.



I don't know.  It's Friday and I'm here in Missouri.  I woke up and was all like, "Why am I here in Missouri?!" 

and the rest of me was all like, "I don't know!"

I didn't argue with my feelings, though my thoughts and feelings aren't notoriously the best at 3am.

Basically, at 3:45ish am on July 4th, after a night of tossing and turning, I said a little prayer.  I didn't fall back asleep.  All I heard was "Go to Missouri".  This was highly unplanned.  It was so unplanned, I even took my own car.... without air conditioning..... for a 14 hr drive in 38 hrs...... and needing an oil change.  That's really unprepared- and not like me.  I left around 8am without puppies and with a small overnight bag.

I got here toward the beginning of the Fair and Fireworks thing.  Within a few minutes, I spotted PD walking around with someone else I knew.  It wasn't the warmest reception, to say the least, and I really don't blame him.  We talked and walked a bit.  James (the other guy, duh!) stopped for some tacos.  Not having eaten anything at all, I left the two of them to find my own food.

The rest of the day pretty much went like this- I was left to my own devices.  I helped out as much as I could- let PD's dog-watching dog out and played with her a bit, ran a ticket stand, rode a few rides, ate some food from different vendors, even watched the fireworks alone.  After, I guarded stuff until the guys came to pick it up, picked up some garbage, then PD walked me to my car.  He was less-than enthusiastic about my baby fireworks (they were lame), but I don't blame him in the slightest- both being sick and stressed.  

So why was I here?

I felt like a burden- forcing myself on someone that didn't really want me there.

So I got back to the hotel and fell asleep.  Although just a few hours (like 5), I slept incredibly well for the first time in a few months.

I went back in the morning. We had breakfast (so like this morning).  I planned to leave around noon, but didn't until close to 3.  PD walked me to my car and I gave him a hug.  I initially planned to let him pull away first, but it ended up being me that didn't want to let go... like ever.... it was an odd feeling.  Some interesting stuff happened on the way home- nothing too interesting and nothing bad.

It may kinda explain why I was there afterall.