Mental Illness day 30

Today followed another awful day. It nothing to do with what made yesterday awful. It was a new sort of awful.

I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of it, simply how it all relates.

Well, on medicine, I tend to focus on one detail and not be able to let things go.  I had this before, but typically I could acknowledge that I ran out of time, that I wasn't in control anymore, etc.  I used to be in the same persons shoes- ok, I'll just say it was a 911 call go awry.  I'm no stranger to EMTs having been one. I absolutely cannot stand the people that play it off like, 'well you don't know what this is like' when I really, truly do.  Even if you were my partner, you would not have gotten away with what you did.

So I continued in my mind like that awhile.  Finally, I went to tell something somewhat related to my boss. She quietly listened when I spilled the whole thing. Then, she ordered me not to come in the next day. She told me that I had been under a lot of stress and to relax over the weekend. I was petrified. It felt like a suspension. No matter how much she told me it was a good thing, I just couldn't let it go. I still can't really. I stayed late to finish up some stuff since I won't be here tomorrow.