The What-Ifs

I have been trying to get the time to sit down and write about the week of Easter, but so many things have been getting in the way.  I hope to write about it today (fingers crossed) but I wanted to put up my latest tragedy (yeah, sometimes I get sick of my own drama too)

Bridget texted me today.  She asked me if I was willing to crash a wedding on May 3rd in Mesa, Arizona.  I knew it had to be Jordan's and she confirmed it.  I know that Bridget always thought that we would somehow get together.  Even November of last year, I thought the very same thing.  I thought it a miracle that he would come back into my life.  I mean, he was the missionary that served my area when I was 17.  My parents had planned games and events to force us to spend time together- and it almost worked- almost.  He found his bride in December as I was considering moving out to Utah.  He had told me not to- why?  because he wanted to move back to Texas!  How perfect- except that he didn't.  He had found Angela the end of November/beginning of December and proposed to her on Christmas.  He graduates with his Master's in April, marry in May.  It's very sweet.  And, (I'm being sincere) I'm truly happy that he is happy.  He didn't know me.  He knew a pretty teenager (I was a model at the time) and left and never really looked back.  I wasn't the one for him, as badly as I wanted to be back then.

I had flashback-esque daydreams of crashing his wedding (very movie-ish), but that's a horrible disaster.  I trust his judgement better than my own because I know how strong a Spirit he has.  He is a wonderful role model.  I could never be the one that crashes a wedding for the slightest chance.  I would be the one he would remember for Eternity (that's a long time) as 'what-if'.  Everyone does that from time to time (like when you fight with that ever-so-loving spouse of yours)  and I would never try to destroy a relationship like that.  I would never wish that kind of mental anguish on anyone.... ever.