Quit... again?!

I know my emotions are fairly high again- which is never a good time to make major life decisions.

Short version of today:
Shawn was stolen and recovered in a not working condition
4 hours late to work
Received my 'punishment' from the STD memo I sent out to staff
Boss reamed me for privacy things and the mess the VA left in the storage room
Aneesa had another little 'talk' with me
VP came in and said that he and Aneesa gave health treatment to a student.

Sad that I still haven't finished my Easter post- at this point, I probably won't.

Aside from all the mess of this morning with Shawn, Debbie, staff at the hotel, Police, etc., It's Neesa that can really just mess with my head.  We're both caught in the middle of our bosses and I feel they are turning us against each other.  I have my issues with Aneesa and I'm sure she has them with me.  I just want her to have respect for my clinic, my space, and me.

I don't know why she feels she needs to 'mentor' or 'save' me.  She's accomplishing the opposite.  I already knew that I wasn't competent enough for this job, but she, she knows how to make me feel ways I haven't before.  I know the saying goes- "nobody can make you feel anything".  Anyone that has ever had someone close hurt or been in love can both agree strongly and oppose this point.  Sometimes your emotions are sincerely outside of your control.

I received the same speech she keeps giving me.  If I didn't get it before, what makes you think that you repeating is getting through to me more?  I'm obviously not getting the point she keeps trying to make.  She brings up a couple things:

"There is a natural current of how things work in a big organization.  I find it best to be under the current and out of the drama- you are currently in the current"

"Not everyone that comes in here is happy with you.  They may smile and act like they like you, but they aren't on your side at all.  Just because they smile and act like they care, they really want nothing to do with you" So I evidently work with a both of fakers or liars.... great.

"Learn your boss, because you obviously haven't"

"Just do your job, don't do anything else- and you'll be fine.  Do what you're told and you'll get by"

I finally got out of her that our mutual co-worker doesn't like me (during one of these speeches when I told her to 'just tell me' a dozen times).  Great.  We share all our space.  Nice to know when someone hates (severely dislikes) you.  I picked up on it more when he stopped talking to me completely and stopped coming into the clinic for anything.  Before, we would talk and have conversations.  I'm not entirely sure where/when he lost his respect for me.

You can't ask questions.  She'll shoot you down with "I'll leave it at that" or "I don't get involved in the drama".  It's driving me completely insane.  She also told me that I have a friend in her and she's always there if I need her.  She's only telling me 'because we're friends and I want you to do well here'.  I feel like an absolute mess.

I can't tell if she's talking about my boss, herself, the work study, Megan (the therapist also in our office), our VP- as the tensions continue to increase, my want for maintaining this job decreases as well.  I'm in over my head and I know it.  I only took this job because I thought I could make a positive impact on the community.  I guess I was wrong.  I'm obviously not doing it right and I don't want to stay where I'm not wanted.  I don't possess the ability to make the change this school needs- so maybe they need to keep looking and find the one person that can.  I hate this paranoid feeling that everyone is out to get me.  They are all just pretending to be nice and one day when I fail miserably- they'll be there to rub my face in it.  It isn't the way I want to live.  I understand that jobs have their ups and downs; positives and negatives, but if I'm thinking my home health job in heat and traffic and everything is better than this- something needs to change.