*pfffffft* is my response to myself and my lack of thinking.

So things between PD and me have cooled down.  I knew it would happen approximately 2 weeks after leaving Missouri- that's when all the hormones and chemicals finally die down because the Pavlov part is gone.  (when you're there, you imagine something, but he's there and it feeds into your chemical response.  Immediately, after leaving, you imagine something, and the endless possibilities feed your chemical response. After some time, the response fades.)

I can't quite put my finger on it.

I know there was something he said that triggered it.  I honestly can't remember what it was.

Next, it was his response to the Columbus Temple Shooting in the first hour.  I know he apologized a couple times for that, but you never know what people will do in an emergency.  I'm the kind of person to drop everything.  I now know he's the kind to avoid/downplay it.  I hope I'm never in any real trouble.

Maybe it has to do with his lack of enthusiasm toward some threats I received (can't you protect your turf?- not that I'm saying I'm his turf or anything...)

Finally, he sent this e-mail that was supposed to have him 'open up' about something personal to him.  I'm sure it was very personal to him.  He described someone he was attracted to and this vicious cycle of a triangle romance it created.  It described my relationship with Brian (not Indy Bri) to a T.  It was heartwrenching.  I didn't even know what to say.  I wrote an apology letter to Brian and a weird response to PD.  Finally, as I read his post this morning.  My heart went into it's hole for hibernation.  (I probably should've given up relationships for Lent rather than chocolate and TV).  He had an interview thingy with someone.  "She's super talented and super good looking!"  not to mention he had never interviewed anybody from Texas (which my interview is just TWO before this one).  I guess it's fair that I'm not really from Texas, only that I live here- but I don't really have a state to call home.  I have my parent's state, my Ex's state, and the state that I live in- which is as close to home as I've gotten so far.  Maybe I'm just being petty and jealous (weird.).

Maybe it's because he never called me 'super good looking'.  He's only ever called me 'cute' or he complimented me after I complimented him the Sunday I was there. (crap... maybe I am being petty and jealous [uber weird!])

Not to mention I don't have a home...

I'm just not quite sure what to think right now...