Wow... so the ever craziness of life!

There are literally TONS of things that have changed since I last wrote in July.  It was my intent to update at least weekly but there were so many things that occurred and life, in general, got in the way.

Ok, so I'm too lazy to put these in order, so hopefully it'll make enough sense.  Beginning in July, I started to work at Michael's thinking that the extra pay and hours would be nice.  I mean, I LOVE <3 92="92" a="a" about="about" adults.="adults." all="all" and="and" anyway="anyway" at="at" be="be" beautiful="beautiful" being="being" better="better" boobs="boobs" but="but" butt="butt" bviously="bviously" comments="comments" compliment="compliment" could="could" crafts-="crafts-" didn="didn" do="do" don="don" enjoy="enjoy" eriously="eriously" especially="especially" et="et" every="every" eyes.="eyes." for="for" guy="guy" guys="guys" h="h" hair="hair" happen="happen" hear="hear" hips="hips" hours="hours" i="i" includes:="includes:" includes="includes" it="it" just="just" know="know" lady="lady" like="like" ll="ll" making="making" me="me" means.="means." men="men" might="might" mouth="mouth" much.="much." my="my" nbsp="nbsp" need="need" obviously="obviously" one="one" only="only" open="open" other="other" p="p" phrase="phrase" picked="picked" re="re" really="really" right="right" say="say" silly="silly" smile="smile" so="so" sound="sound" sparkling="sparkling" staring="staring" stocker-="stocker-" stop="stop" t="t" tell="tell" thank="thank" that="that" the="the" there="there" thing="thing" time="time" to="to" together="together" too="too" touch="touch" waist="waist" was="was" we="we" week="week" what="what" who="who" woman="woman" work="work" worked="worked" wouldn="wouldn" wrong="wrong" ya="ya" you="you">

Going to my sister's reception in August, I actually found a REAL Chicago deep dish pizza.  I think I cried when I ate it- I missed it sooooooo much!

Dogzilla- 'nough said.  Adorable!!

I'm continuing to eat healthy- of course!

August 31, due to some problems in securing a new apartment, I said goodbye to my beautiful, though scary, apartment and became homeless.  Like, really homeless.  That day, I had to go to work and had no where to go that night.

 My hair color changed again, I never plan for it to change so drastically every time but even when I use the same dye, it changes everytime!  It's now a dark red and people seem to like it, so I may try to keep it this color.

My poor friend attempted to come to my rescue.  He had moved away and had another home and left his condo.  He said I could move there, but when I walked in, I knew that I had to find something else.  After five hours of cleaning and making no difference, I cried and realized I couldn't stay there.

 Beginning of September, the secretary of the company left and I still miss her dearly.

 August, I had to clean a maggot infestation out of my patient's apartment before her new roommate moved in.  It was 22 trays of maggots, bug spray, bug bomb, and kitty sitting.

Middle of September, I went to a RN only hiring event at Parkland and walked into a giant cattle call.  It was sad that I sat there for 3 hours in hopes to land one of two available spots in my field.  Needless to say, I wasn't even close to getting it.

 So the only vacation I got this year was to go to my sister's reception since she eloped in June.  I arrived Wednesday night to learn Thursday morning that her reception was moved to Wednesday afternoon and I had missed it all.   Great.  I did, however, get to participate in a play during the family reunion that weekend.

I still drive around 200 miles a day.

This I may save for later- but in a nutshell, a nurse convinced me to apply for a position that I didn't qualify for because he would give me a sparkling recommendation.  Needless to say, that didn't work.  It would've been a great opportunity, maybe later.

So, in two month: I lost a job, became homeless, met a living miracle, lost/gained weight, lost a friend, gained another- it's been crazy.

Currently, I'm living in a cozy extended stay hotel.  It is very expensive, but it sounds that a normal apartment will cost the same, sad.  My babies are with me (all four of them!)  They are quite happy compared to my friend's condo.  I never let them out of their kennel actually, especially after I cut my hand on a hidden knife in the mess.  I think I hit another low in life.  I decided to make some different choices and I also realized how blessed I continue to be: I have a place to stay with my pets, I'm not starving (although I should try that a bit more), my friends are still around, I still have a job to pay my bills, my car and bike are safe (especially after the bike theft scare).  I may have switched wards 3 times (about to be 4) but I still receive support.   I know my Heavenly Father loves me and that the prayers of my friends and family are protecting me.

I still, however, wonder why I came to Texas.  I knew that I had to come here, but it seemed strange that even a year after moving here I didn't know why, but a miracle and answer to my prayer might be happening before my eyes.

Way back when, in March (because that was sooooo long ago!)  I decided to go to a dance hosted by the nearby single's congregation.  I didn't really know anyone- like ANYONE.  I stood by the side of the stage and was texting my mother constantly.  I actually stood there the better part of an hour, afraid to move, afraid to mingle, I simply wanted someone to just strike up a conversation or just ask me to dance.  I was fighting back tears, pain, and more importantly, it was  the one year anniversary of my divorce.  I felt so alone and was so full of pain.  Looking down, I saw a hand.  A man took me by the hand and dragged me out to the dance floor.  He introduced himself as Ross.  We actually danced I believe it was three dances.  It was beautiful and he was a wonderful dancer.  I kept tripping on my poor dress- so after we parted, I decided to change into a different dress.  I looked for him the rest of the night and never saw him again.  Determined to make a difference, I found a guy to dance with for a group dance, then I was whisked away by some soldiers name Richard and Mike.  If you don't see a pattern- they are all the mens' names in my immediate family.  I had a wonderful time that night.  Contact waned with the soldiers and I never had any information on Ross.  I looked him up on the church website and sent an email to the only Ross listed and never heard anything.  I believed him to be my guardian angel- possibly even a moment of time with my own grandfather as a miracle.  I figured even in Heaven he could feel my pain and loneliness and begged Heavenly Father for just one more moment with his precious, hurting granddaughter.  I thought I could feel him there and even after I prayed with a heart of thankfulness especially for the time I spent with my grandfather when he was here.  I was so thankful for that experience and to feel my Father's love for me.

Last week, I went to a church conference  with a member of the 70.  It was supposed to be a HUGE 11 stake event and promised to be full of great things.  I still probably wasn't in the best of places mentally with the whole recently homeless thing, but I was honestly trying to change my thinking.  I got there early because I thought parking was going to be horrible.  I talked with a sister and a man named James from the Dallas YSA 1st ward, formerly the Dallas 11th congregation.  He introduced me to a bunch of people but then something amazing happened.  Within mere seconds, I saw and recognized him- Ross!  I called him by name and he had NO CLUE who I was!  I don't blame him- it was over 6 months ago.  He actually sat next to me through the conference.  We talked after- he took my number and texted me the next day.

So far we texted through the week.  Saturday, we almost missed our date because of my work, but we went for a short motorcycle drive (scary- my first real passenger) grabbed a really quick bite to eat- and he had to leave to say the opening prayer for a baptism and I had another patient.

Yesterday, I decided to take him up on his offer for a walk.  He turned around and invited me to a beautiful Cantata.  It was beautiful, but I felt dumped.  During our walk, he told me how he wasn't able to eat lunch or dinner- he was so nervous.  He wasn't ready for a relationship and said things were going too fast.  I felt alone at the beginning of the Cantata but since all the music was about God's love for us- I felt empowered by the end and was comfortable with life and where I am minus some minor tweaks to work on.  On the way home, we talked about life.  Since I'm in a hotel, I thought he would simply drop me off at the front door- instead he offered to walk me up.  He joked that he wanted to know where I lived since I visited his apartment yesterday.  He started to give me a hug goodbye which I thought was simply a 'goodbye between friends hug'.  The hug didn't end within 5 seconds and actually lasted a few minutes.  I honestly thought he was going to kiss me for a second but then he blushed and I kissed him on the cheek and immediately felt guilty after our ongoing conversation about relationships.  He told me I was the perfect height and felt comfortable- too bad I was wearing heels....  eek?  He's a wonderful guy and I truly know that he's too good for me- but I know the saying that you need to be like the person you would be with- and he is what I wish to be- full of love, honesty, patience, goal oriented, smart, funny, and most importantly humble and full of a fiery passion for Christ.  I pray that I at least get the chance to get to know him, but I can understand if he doesn't.  I also worry because he doesn't remember all the details of our discussions from the cantata including being divorced, losing a child, and having trouble coping- that's an incredibly huge pill to swallow for someone that's never had to experience any of that before.  He's been waiting for the perfect woman and I'm nowhere near that- in fact, I have been there, done that, and looking behind me.  I know he deserves someone on the same place he is in, but I can't help but like and admire him.  :')  (seriously, that should be a smiley- the crying happy face!)