Ross Rant

Today was a beautiful day in the Lord.  I believe that He is the one to cause my oddly wonderful day- so thank You.  Typically, Wednesdays are my busiest days and by the end I'm exhausted, it's usually late at night (not like it isn't now....) , and I usually feel like I had rushed through the day- which isn't usually a great feeling.

Today was different.  I was able to see all my patients in a timely matter AND for the first time in several months- I had a one hour lunch!  Most Wednesdays, I will go straight from patient to patient without lunch and still finish around 930p.  Today with an added patient, I started an hour late and finished by 7.  It was amazing!

So rather than relax, Alice and I went out to eat then someplace different for dessert.  I wish we took a picture- it was pretty awesome and definitely sweet.

Anyway, on to my Ross Rant.  I feared that people would assume that I became overnight infatuated with this poor person.  I wanted to point out some flaws (sorry Ross) to prove that I have been thinking (isn't that a novel thought?!?!?).

Ross had texted me this morning and stated that he didn't want to call what we had a 'date'.  Since I was confused from the beginning, this befuddled me just a bit more.  I should try to start from the beginning...

• The dance, Ross was the one to approach me and ask me to dance- not that I can blame him for being nice! I just needed a starting point.
• So I don't see this guy for like 6 months.  I recognized him immediately, he had no clue who I was.  
• He sat next to me during the fireside and made cute, witty little comments.  His knowledge of the scriptures is vast and incredibly impressive.  He apologized for not wearing his jacket that he would let me use because I was cold.
• He asked for my number and to call/text me- so I gave it to him.
• He later asked me to breakfast/dinner (because of my patients)
• So I showed up on a motorcycle (which he wanted to see/ride) and held on to me so tightly I couldn't see correctly!  When I asked him to move back, he said that it wouldn't work and snuggled back up to me.
• He paid for my dinner.
• He quoted Dallin H Oaks in saying that it fit the 'date' criteria: paired off, planned ahead, and paid for.
• He was late to a baptism he was saying the opening prayer for- because he enjoyed talking to me soooooo much. (his words!)
• He offered to go for a walk after, but we ran out of time.
• So the next day, I took him up on his offer.  He turned around and invited me not only for a walk but also to a cantata at a different stake center which was closer to me and looked like was on his way there.
• I actually asked him to pick me up (I figured why take two cars?  But this part is my fault) and he did.
• He opened my car door every time (such a gentleman!)
• We went for a long walk where he told me that he didn't want to take things too fast, that I was pretty, smart, and fun to be around. (soooo..... ok?  Some confusion)
• I felt dumped after the walk because he had told me he also invited another girl who was supposed to sit with us, but she never showed.
• He waited at the entrance when I was talking to some old friends (like a boyfriend-y thing!)
• On the drive home, we talked about random things, but at one point, he reached over an laid his hand on top of mine, looked over at me and smiled (my heart absolutely melted).  He let it linger longer than a pat on the hand (again... hmmmmm?  Maybe this guy DOES like me!!)
• When pulling up to my hotel,  I told him that he could simply drop me off at the entrance so he wouldn't have to park or walk me up the stairs.  He parked anyway stating that he wanted to see where I lived or whatnot (since I had been at his apartment the day before).  Isn't that boyfriend-y?  or at least a hey-I-really-like-you-thing, right?
• This doesn't mean anything- but he suggested we take the stairs- lucky HE wasn't wearing heels....
• Finally, when we got to my room, I went to give him a hug or he did- but whatever we hugged.  I felt like giving him a 3-5second one which is longer than a friend but definitely not a girlfriend, but when I let go- he didn't!  I was so shocked.  He looked into my eyes and told me how beautiful I was.  I let go numerous times and there was a point where he was holding my hands behind my back with his arms still wrapped around me.  I was definitely on cloud 10 looking down on cloud 9.  We actually nuzzled noses forehead to forehead for a few minutes.  I kissed him on the cheek, he said 'thank you' (really?) and we hugged again before I asked HIM to let go.  He scampered off pretty quick.  I blame this interaction for the majority of the cuddly daydreams I had on Monday.  I'll give it to him that he had explained in the car that he was getting sleepy.  There's a point or two (maybe) in there.
• Monday, it took all my restraint not to text him- and I didn't.  (I didn't want to be overly anxious).  Sadly, Monday night, he stopped my car after FHE where he didn't talk to me much.  I was new and wanted to mingle some anyway.  When he stopped me, I jumped out and gave him a big hug which he immediately pushed away from and said something along the lines of going too fast, we need to talk less, etc.  I was heartbroken (again) and had to shake it off quick and face a critical patient.  
• Tuesday, I didn't text him except to ask a question before I mailed something.  He answered quickly and shortly.
• That night, he started texting me about my day and everything- I was totally baffled.  We talked about meeting face to face to talk and clear the air over the weekend- but who wants to wait for that?!  I called him and we talked.  We spoke about not going too fast, he wants to get to know me as a person first rather than a crush, he really thought I just needed a friend (there's nothing like being a charity case  :'(  ,  and that we never went on a 'date' that we were just hanging out.
• This morning he texted that we can hang out and that I can text, call, and invite him to do random things but what we had was basically just whatever it was for that moment.

I don't know why it got to me so deeply.  My poor emotions were like a yo-yo for the past couple of days and I'm not going to let that happen anymore.  If he wants to create a relationship, fine.  If he finally woke up and realized I'm just a crush and wants nothing else to do with me, that's fine too.  I know from the bottom of my soul that Ross is an outstanding person, but I always thought that he was too good for me and he probably realized it.  Oh well, can't blame me for trying!  Needless to say, we haven't spoken all day and I don't really plan to tomorrow either.

I am however setting up some goals that can help me fill some time and hopefully open up some possible job opportunities!  Plus, I found some fun, enriching goals to make me (hopefully) a better person.